Saturday, June 11, 2005
Vitamin B50 Migraines
, Completely gotten rid of it, Usher me back in the fold, done me the favor! I Had Been going to her Regularly thereabout Every 2-3 weeks, to make the MOST minimal cuts here and there, Because I Want to Retain a lengthy style exudes a Bohemian That Would Avoiding negligence while SlovoEd look. Between her barely significativa snips, Would she ask me how my writing WAS going and whether my latest girlfriend WAS well. In order to pass the time, I'd take the liberty of fabricating moral problem Some Practical sense to please her, and she Would Respond with articles of advice she not Doubt That Picked up from the English daytime talk shows That Were always playing on the salon's little television. The more I think about it, the more foolish it seems, Because It Was for sheer farcical ceremonyumbling about coping mechanisms. After three years, my bangs had become so exhausted with themselves that they begged for the mercy of being put to the ground. They did this by forming gangs that would jut out into the air and refuse to settle down. Any fate would have been better than the disgrace of going out of fashion, but little had they known, they had been born into a world that long abhorred them! They weren't so annoying that I couldn't sweep them left or right and out of sight, or tuck them behind the ears, or I could even slick them back like a Mafia don, but I had made the serious decision that I must rid myself of the laziness that their childish innocence evoked. I'm gonna go balding one horrible day, so what's the use of watching the forest disappear from the canopy? I'd rather be close to the devastation than watch it go down in clumps. I don't want to experience the alarming surprise of picking long rogue strands of hair from off my pillow -- certainly not, if they're mine! So, off they fell in a mass. Now, my face has the anxiety of having nowhere to hide, that is, unless you count the new shrubbery. In light of my drastic haircut, I've grown a scant excuse for facial hair, a sort of goattee that doesn't connect and a spiky soul patch. Forget what I said before about my Chinaman's whiskers. I had written that particular phrase with an ignorance of long ago. It seems that the countless shaves over the years have granted me the thickness of a respectable broom. I trim it with much scrutiny so that it might lose the bristling Eastern look andam Shakespeare. As you can see, I take my literary life very seriously.
Wednesday, June 1, 2005
Final Fantasy And Attentiondeficit Disorder Oh gods, my gods, bring me poison, poison!
I'm going to begin by Saying That I would rather write Something short, delightful and funny Than indulge this accursed and unshakeable daemon of inner turmoil. I'm no Freud and Proust dog or Better not describe or outline the Psychological ravages of sexual jealousy, But of all the ideas Imposing orbiting around my mental focus, These Thoughts on The Fastest spin my condition. The subject Seems too complex to tackle Marcel's Elaborate Without prose, but I'll take a quick stab at it.
The nature of this journal is haunted by the specter of her , Defunct now my three-year love affair, from the very pit of STI Beginning in '03 to the lethargy of the Sporadic present, and I can not continue Any writing of the posts i have in store Without purging myself of this abject spirit. The following is an attempt at a written exorcism, a confession stuffed in a box with breathing holes.
I haven't spoken to her in two weeks. The estrangement is easy. Her physical self is not nearly half the object of my torment as much as the sharp, recurring memories of her and me together. I'm not sure whether I love her or not, because I never really think critically about a girl I've conquered until I no longer have her, in other words, until it's too late. As vain as the word conquer may seem, it's not meant as a sexual or mental boast, rather it represents the highest ground that I've worked hard to land upon and capture, a plateau on which I can operate, at full capacity, the machinations of love. It is the point wBecome a Vacated s empire of hers That Continuously Denies Any comfort of rehabitation. This exposition has Become a testament to my shame and sentimental Weakness. I miss her. Would I go running back to her If I could, if allowed my pride. However, my pride will only allow These confessions. I would rather Claim That I do not think of her at all anymore, me and my girlfriend That Are Involved in One Another happily only, grinning at the wake of past love and Stock, But the truth is That I feel Deprived at Almost Every Hour , and my obsession with her Presence Has Not dwindle for a single moment. Perhaps, it is because i love her That I offer this account of my misery, for her Benefit and satisfaction. I'm sure
It Would Be Easier If I could smoke pot to subdue these remembrances of her That seems to bubble forth from by Being, That Arise Without fail from a boiling desire, to torture me fifteen to twenty times a day, half of them to be sexual, the other half various, heartwarming instances of her blind adoration. It Was the pot That Kept Me From Leaving her. Consistent blunt after blunt of smoking over the span of four years, the time Following my father's death, clouded my perception of the truth and doting Kept me along. I WAS mad from loss. Either she wasn't my type, But she Reflected my emptiness and remind me of a more innocent era. My art and inspiration Were slowly thwarted by her company and drawn Into regression. I entertained a foolish confidence in Figuring That the Continued Exposure to my bold personality, Combined with the weathering offake-Breakups, Could Forge a Better partner for me, That She Could Be Forced to take on my winning Qualities, my intelligence, social aptitude, and empathy ... I Dreamed the hopeless dream That She Would learn to perfect herself for me. Our stubborn ACCOMPLISH Would love it! It Was That She Hated herself Evident, That she wallowed in her own futilities and Would Have No Other alternative in seeking to Improve herself. Instead, she sucked my will Weakened STONER Expanding Into her abyss of self-doubt. More and more, I started Becoming like her ... lazy, apathetic, lonely, desperate. I Was infected by her Incapacity. I chafed Wants and Needs Against her, I rose my freedom to protest, only to fall back and latch onto her weitere. I lost all romantic energy. I cheated on her for gasps of fresh air, and to Prove That I still Had What It Took. I bedded new lovers, But I Was so conditioned to Requiring her modes of sex, They Became That in time of little worth to me, and my attentions Careful That won me so much favor in Their Eyes Would trickle away and vanish. I Was shackled in place, more so sown, and I Could not enjoy the passing events, beautiful faces.
i have four months left of court ordered sobriety, But Even So, relying on drugs is a kind of Cowardice No Longer That appeals to me. I'll only drink in a social setting, pero Scarce to avail. I've Always Been Able to simulate the comfort and fearlessness That eating and drinking alcohol with Any Further provoker my savage impulses, like picking fights. Had
She always read my little posts with animmutable fear That I Might reveal Any or all Aspects of Our union That Could turn the stomachs of mutual acquaintances of ours Who Might perchance read my journal. She Was horrified the world of What Might Be allowed to think at my insistence vulgar! Imagine Their disappointment upon the discovery That she wasn't really a quiet and mysterious
intellectual, an optimistic subterfuge silence her raven exuded Might Have, But wings, She Was a boring and bottomless, sexual symbiote, and That All I Could Possibly record About Our Relationship Is That it consists of us fucking Each Other Into a state of total vapidity. I remember the sickly langours in bed, the heaviness at the end of bliss. Under the pretense of an indestructible love, Would we forego intimate conversation and Stock, which was a waste of time, due to our lack of connection, and proceed to numerous sessions of industrious fucking. We were no strangers to pleasure. Up until I met her, I had racked up so many lovers, my past could be mistaken for celebrity. Initially, she held back the experience that would become apparent in her movements, so that I wouldn't suspect the crowd of lovers preceding me. When I found out that she had fucked nearly a third of my count, which seemed to me, for a girl of her calibre, vastly sluttier than my own. I reconciled by telling myself that I had what I finally deserved, a Madame, a
sexpert
. She knew what she wanted and she knew that I could give it to her each time. My joys rested in the finalities of her pleasure. My selfless goal in our sex was alwanformation. She would tell me everything about her new man, where he would take her, what she would do, down to the minutest sexual detail. She would have to leave nothing to wonder about. Love would forgive her each and every thoughtless transgression. The worst that could happen is that the sufferer would cease to love and be pushed towards the road to recovery. Of course, her powers of description and analysis have always been poor and her reasons left me even more unsatisfied. I would hear her stories and it always seemed that this older sucker with the corny qualities was buying her off and using her for sex. I couldn't bear that someone else was toting my prized trophy as if it was his latest trifling bauble.
I broke into her diary one night and that took care of
that
. Our working plan called for full disclosure, but what I met in those pages was a startling account of selfish deceit, a deplorable narrative stranger with the vilest of plans and intentions. She was purposely fooling herself into a new love and toying with my lingering heart in the process. All the information she entrusted me with was at best incomplete. I became convinced that she could not only effectively lie to me, but that I couldn't help but continue to believe in our pact en toto, like a love-struck fool ... Really, I should compliment her on all of her LIES. They were well-executed.
The fact that I never wrote a sweet entry just for her or even a short complimentary poem must have irked her. I know for a fact that the strangers that would cometo compliment my journal annoyed her to no end. She Would not dare complain or comment at the Risk of sounding out of place or stupid. This reservation echoes her reluctance to tell me anything, to mention Any Thought She Might Be HAVING, Despit my urging her to reveal her Every notion. She figured beforehand Would That I Had to find whatever she say intolerably dull or commonplace, as if my life experience or erudition Were a wall too daunting to approach. It Was Almost myth ... I Was everything, She Was Nothing, That never spoke two halves, bound to constant collision and an intermingling That Was Purely Physical. I do not know myself, But I Communicate Constantly in an effort "to rein the fragments staff and find a pattern, the monstrous spine. I speak in contradictio
The nature of this journal is haunted by the specter of her , Defunct now my three-year love affair, from the very pit of STI Beginning in '03 to the lethargy of the Sporadic present, and I can not continue Any writing of the posts i have in store Without purging myself of this abject spirit. The following is an attempt at a written exorcism, a confession stuffed in a box with breathing holes.
I haven't spoken to her in two weeks. The estrangement is easy. Her physical self is not nearly half the object of my torment as much as the sharp, recurring memories of her and me together. I'm not sure whether I love her or not, because I never really think critically about a girl I've conquered until I no longer have her, in other words, until it's too late. As vain as the word conquer may seem, it's not meant as a sexual or mental boast, rather it represents the highest ground that I've worked hard to land upon and capture, a plateau on which I can operate, at full capacity, the machinations of love. It is the point wBecome a Vacated s empire of hers That Continuously Denies Any comfort of rehabitation. This exposition has Become a testament to my shame and sentimental Weakness. I miss her. Would I go running back to her If I could, if allowed my pride. However, my pride will only allow These confessions. I would rather Claim That I do not think of her at all anymore, me and my girlfriend That Are Involved in One Another happily only, grinning at the wake of past love and Stock, But the truth is That I feel Deprived at Almost Every Hour , and my obsession with her Presence Has Not dwindle for a single moment. Perhaps, it is because i love her That I offer this account of my misery, for her Benefit and satisfaction. I'm sure
It Would Be Easier If I could smoke pot to subdue these remembrances of her That seems to bubble forth from by Being, That Arise Without fail from a boiling desire, to torture me fifteen to twenty times a day, half of them to be sexual, the other half various, heartwarming instances of her blind adoration. It Was the pot That Kept Me From Leaving her. Consistent blunt after blunt of smoking over the span of four years, the time Following my father's death, clouded my perception of the truth and doting Kept me along. I WAS mad from loss. Either she wasn't my type, But she Reflected my emptiness and remind me of a more innocent era. My art and inspiration Were slowly thwarted by her company and drawn Into regression. I entertained a foolish confidence in Figuring That the Continued Exposure to my bold personality, Combined with the weathering offake-Breakups, Could Forge a Better partner for me, That She Could Be Forced to take on my winning Qualities, my intelligence, social aptitude, and empathy ... I Dreamed the hopeless dream That She Would learn to perfect herself for me. Our stubborn ACCOMPLISH Would love it! It Was That She Hated herself Evident, That she wallowed in her own futilities and Would Have No Other alternative in seeking to Improve herself. Instead, she sucked my will Weakened STONER Expanding Into her abyss of self-doubt. More and more, I started Becoming like her ... lazy, apathetic, lonely, desperate. I Was infected by her Incapacity. I chafed Wants and Needs Against her, I rose my freedom to protest, only to fall back and latch onto her weitere. I lost all romantic energy. I cheated on her for gasps of fresh air, and to Prove That I still Had What It Took. I bedded new lovers, But I Was so conditioned to Requiring her modes of sex, They Became That in time of little worth to me, and my attentions Careful That won me so much favor in Their Eyes Would trickle away and vanish. I Was shackled in place, more so sown, and I Could not enjoy the passing events, beautiful faces.
i have four months left of court ordered sobriety, But Even So, relying on drugs is a kind of Cowardice No Longer That appeals to me. I'll only drink in a social setting, pero Scarce to avail. I've Always Been Able to simulate the comfort and fearlessness That eating and drinking alcohol with Any Further provoker my savage impulses, like picking fights. Had
She always read my little posts with animmutable fear That I Might reveal Any or all Aspects of Our union That Could turn the stomachs of mutual acquaintances of ours Who Might perchance read my journal. She Was horrified the world of What Might Be allowed to think at my insistence vulgar! Imagine Their disappointment upon the discovery That she wasn't really a quiet and mysterious
intellectual, an optimistic subterfuge silence her raven exuded Might Have, But wings, She Was a boring and bottomless, sexual symbiote, and That All I Could Possibly record About Our Relationship Is That it consists of us fucking Each Other Into a state of total vapidity. I remember the sickly langours in bed, the heaviness at the end of bliss. Under the pretense of an indestructible love, Would we forego intimate conversation and Stock, which was a waste of time, due to our lack of connection, and proceed to numerous sessions of industrious fucking. We were no strangers to pleasure. Up until I met her, I had racked up so many lovers, my past could be mistaken for celebrity. Initially, she held back the experience that would become apparent in her movements, so that I wouldn't suspect the crowd of lovers preceding me. When I found out that she had fucked nearly a third of my count, which seemed to me, for a girl of her calibre, vastly sluttier than my own. I reconciled by telling myself that I had what I finally deserved, a Madame, a
sexpert
. She knew what she wanted and she knew that I could give it to her each time. My joys rested in the finalities of her pleasure. My selfless goal in our sex was alwanformation. She would tell me everything about her new man, where he would take her, what she would do, down to the minutest sexual detail. She would have to leave nothing to wonder about. Love would forgive her each and every thoughtless transgression. The worst that could happen is that the sufferer would cease to love and be pushed towards the road to recovery. Of course, her powers of description and analysis have always been poor and her reasons left me even more unsatisfied. I would hear her stories and it always seemed that this older sucker with the corny qualities was buying her off and using her for sex. I couldn't bear that someone else was toting my prized trophy as if it was his latest trifling bauble.
I broke into her diary one night and that took care of
that
. Our working plan called for full disclosure, but what I met in those pages was a startling account of selfish deceit, a deplorable narrative stranger with the vilest of plans and intentions. She was purposely fooling herself into a new love and toying with my lingering heart in the process. All the information she entrusted me with was at best incomplete. I became convinced that she could not only effectively lie to me, but that I couldn't help but continue to believe in our pact en toto, like a love-struck fool ... Really, I should compliment her on all of her LIES. They were well-executed.
The fact that I never wrote a sweet entry just for her or even a short complimentary poem must have irked her. I know for a fact that the strangers that would cometo compliment my journal annoyed her to no end. She Would not dare complain or comment at the Risk of sounding out of place or stupid. This reservation echoes her reluctance to tell me anything, to mention Any Thought She Might Be HAVING, Despit my urging her to reveal her Every notion. She figured beforehand Would That I Had to find whatever she say intolerably dull or commonplace, as if my life experience or erudition Were a wall too daunting to approach. It Was Almost myth ... I Was everything, She Was Nothing, That never spoke two halves, bound to constant collision and an intermingling That Was Purely Physical. I do not know myself, But I Communicate Constantly in an effort "to rein the fragments staff and find a pattern, the monstrous spine. I speak in contradictio
Thursday, May 5, 2005
In Flames Gitarren Sound shift
freeze in dread over the broken silence and the seemingly closing sound that could only be the familiar traces of the ever conscious beast, a deranged human being, creeping in the late hour.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Does Psoriasis Genital Hurt Bastard Sons of Apollo
lly self-absorbed. I fancied a thwarted intellectual Himself in His early thirties, a series of events hapless Had Kept him from getting licensed or degreed in Any vocation. My peaceful demeanor Seem To inspire in him a healthy confession, Though I did take on the tone of braggarts. Maybe I was bored and Fibber to fill in space. I remind me of a more haggard and witless me, so I Asked no questions personal.
- I know it Does not seem like it and you Would not believe it, I mean, I'm ugly (pock-marked), As You Can Plainly see, But I've had the pleasure of knowing, of HAVING, Many Women in my life! YES, I've been absurdly lucky with the ladies, Despit Some disgraceful occurrences. For example, i have this little number, she's married ... This precipitated lowing weeks, I saturated myself with the words of the Nicaraguan master Ruben Dario. Things I discovered all about him: his history, His Work, His passion. He Had Traveled everywhere, Engendering literary newspapers, I have bled Compositions and wrote prolifically. Nearly Every historical experience of WAS in His Own Written record. I loved the French symbolists and I cavort with Them, I idolized Victor Hugo. He Was responsible for jump-starting English literature with this French influence. He's Known as the father of Modernism in Latin America. I've only read him in English Because I Could not find him in translation, although I Desperately searched, for I felt an American-Inglés loneliness in my love for him. By coincidence, one of my tenants, Who hail from Nicaragua, WAS pleased to infrefused to use it. I was equally stubborn in a few other places. Enjoy.
Princess of the divine imperial blue, who will kiss your luminous lips! I am the ecstatic lover that conjures dreams of love, that exists on his knees with his eyes fixed on your ineffable clarity,
estrella mía
, you are so distant! Oh, how I sting with jealousies, how my soul trembles when I think that you, the Dawn's precocious daughter, could fix your gazes on the luxurious Solar Prince that emerges from the Orient, gallant and handsome in his golden chariot, triumphant celestial bowman, diamond knight, who carries, strapped to his back, a radiant quiver of arrows aflame! But no, you smiled at
me
from beneath yoXC The morning lark sings to you and soars towards you at the dawn of Spring, when the wind carries vibrations of tempestual lyres and the echoes of silver eardrums that sylphs ring. From your regions spill the harmonic and chrystalline pearls of your maw, which fall and gather towards the grand and universal symphony that fills the awakened earth.
And in this hour, I bethink you, because it is the hour of supreme appointments in profound heavens, and of mysterious and ardent encounters in the lukewarm spots of woods, where blooms the Scottish broom that delights the bucolic verse! Estrella mía , you are so distant, who will kiss your luminous lips!
- I know it Does not seem like it and you Would not believe it, I mean, I'm ugly (pock-marked), As You Can Plainly see, But I've had the pleasure of knowing, of HAVING, Many Women in my life! YES, I've been absurdly lucky with the ladies, Despit Some disgraceful occurrences. For example, i have this little number, she's married ... This precipitated lowing weeks, I saturated myself with the words of the Nicaraguan master Ruben Dario. Things I discovered all about him: his history, His Work, His passion. He Had Traveled everywhere, Engendering literary newspapers, I have bled Compositions and wrote prolifically. Nearly Every historical experience of WAS in His Own Written record. I loved the French symbolists and I cavort with Them, I idolized Victor Hugo. He Was responsible for jump-starting English literature with this French influence. He's Known as the father of Modernism in Latin America. I've only read him in English Because I Could not find him in translation, although I Desperately searched, for I felt an American-Inglés loneliness in my love for him. By coincidence, one of my tenants, Who hail from Nicaragua, WAS pleased to infrefused to use it. I was equally stubborn in a few other places. Enjoy.
Princess of the divine imperial blue, who will kiss your luminous lips! I am the ecstatic lover that conjures dreams of love, that exists on his knees with his eyes fixed on your ineffable clarity,
estrella mía
, you are so distant! Oh, how I sting with jealousies, how my soul trembles when I think that you, the Dawn's precocious daughter, could fix your gazes on the luxurious Solar Prince that emerges from the Orient, gallant and handsome in his golden chariot, triumphant celestial bowman, diamond knight, who carries, strapped to his back, a radiant quiver of arrows aflame! But no, you smiled at
me
from beneath yoXC The morning lark sings to you and soars towards you at the dawn of Spring, when the wind carries vibrations of tempestual lyres and the echoes of silver eardrums that sylphs ring. From your regions spill the harmonic and chrystalline pearls of your maw, which fall and gather towards the grand and universal symphony that fills the awakened earth.
And in this hour, I bethink you, because it is the hour of supreme appointments in profound heavens, and of mysterious and ardent encounters in the lukewarm spots of woods, where blooms the Scottish broom that delights the bucolic verse! Estrella mía , you are so distant, who will kiss your luminous lips!
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